It's pretty contagious. He just has such a funny, stubborn way of saying things. Perhaps not exactly eloquent(he is only just short of five) but, his exclamations are pretty clear expressions of whatever five year old angst he is momentarily and wholeheartedly feeling, they contain no constraints of adult politeness-they just go to the heart of the matter. Thus, when D and I are out by ourselves and it's cold we look at each other and chorus: "TOOOO COOOLD!" in Sammyspeak, or "TOOOOO TIRED!". Or if we miss our bus-"STUPID BUS!".

Now my housemates, Terra and Yoni, do it too. Not to mention Buster and other friends of ours...

If there's a food you're really not enjoying, which if you are the current manifestation of Sam seems to be anything that doesn't involve bread, pasta or sweets, it's: "NEVER make this dinner again!". On the other hand, if you're really digging that bagel/honey/nutbutter/banana sandwich-then: "ALWAYS make this lunch!" gets your enthusiastic and authoritative endorsement across perfectly.

It's odd, you spend so much time trying to get them to learn to communicate with you, with words, to tell you how they are feeling... But it's often hard to accept the vehemence of feeling in their actual communication.

Sam displays such nakedness of anger, pure frustration and autocratic delight, it can be hard to hear, to just let it be, let him suffer it, express it. It's not "nice" behaviour.

And where do you draw the line with physical expressions of violent emotion? My rule has always been no hitting living beings and no damaging property or causing big messes, but what about hitting the couch? Is that a healthy outlet of aggression? Or is violent behaviour just NOT healthy? Is it better to insist he uses words, tells us when he is mad? I don't know, I have always thought that adults who hit and smash, wielding destructive force against objects that irk them are immature and need to take a good look at what's inside them and who they're mad at. But, kids... Where do you draw the line? How do you teach the importance of nonviolence without labeling them and disassociating them from their emotions?

Sam told me last night he has a blow up doll at his fathers house that he can hit when he is mad. He said it's shaped like a boy, an angry boy. I know that it was probably suggested by a therapist and maybe it's a good way to get aggression out-but the thought of my son angrily punching the hell out of a doll-boy really freaks me out.

My sister is into kickboxing and karate and I've always admired her for it. It does seem to be a good outlet for pent up aggressive energy as well as good healthful exercise. Maybe humans just naturally have this residual primal aggression inside us and finding ways to let it out without hurting anyone is the way to go.

What do y'all think? Anyone have an opinion to share with me?

I distinctly remember the last time I was violently destructive. I was pissed at the remote control and I hurtled it across the room, shattering it to pieces. It was years ago and I still remember the silence of that moment, sitting there surveying the destruction as my heat dissipated. There was no triumph or relief. I just felt stupid.

So, I guess that's my take on it. Violence is stupid.

Stupid violence.