I'll have to admit that when I was younger, physical attraction was really all I cared about. In a few cases it worked out well in that she ended up being a great girl as well, but a lot of times once you got past the sex there was nothing else left.

I'm significantly pickier these days, which might be one of the reasons I don't date as often as I used to.
I'm at the point now where I want a girl that's intelligent, sweet, interesting, attractive, and a total slut in the bedroom, all wrapped into one. A perfect combination of chemistry, sex, and actual common interests to keep you together once you're at the point where you want more from your partner than just a good lay.
Of course physical attraction is going to be what I notice first, unfailingly, but now I try to make sure that everything else is there too before getting too deeply involved.
It's not as easy to find as one might think...

One might think that's easy to find? Who is this one?

I all depends on how screwed over relationship-wise someone has been too.
After being heart stomped on by legions of psychos, playing the whole pick-up game a bars filled with women who are holding out for Mr. Not-you, and practicing involuntary celibacy your priorities shift around alot.
So says the guy who went and married the woman he had his only real relationship with...
Don't listen to me, I'm full of crap! :)

EVERYBODY is full of crap... And it's pretty hard to find anyone who hasn't been heartstomped at some point. What's truly amazing is when you find someone who loves you anyway, even though they KNOW you're all screwed up.

It's funny, sometimes I think(sarcastically to myself, of course)that we should put all that shit right out in plain sight on our dating advertisements. Just get it out of the way immediately,let them know what they will actually be dealing with, rather than putting on our best, healthiest, most loving and attentive personas and hiding away the less adorable aspects of ourselves.

Of course we'd never get to first base that way, but maybe in some alternate universe we'd actually manage to match ourselves up with folks whose issues compliment ours instead of exacerbate them.

But then, I guess that's what's known as codependency. :0

I guess the real crux of the matter is a serious willingness to work on our issues with ourselves and with our partners-even though it's bound to get ugly sometimes.

What do I look for in a woman? Uhhhh, I'm married there for I don't any more. To quote the great philosophical genius that is Homer; "Marrage is like a coffin and every child is a nail in it".

Actually, for me, sex played a huge part in my dealings with females. I really wasn't looking for an intellectual match or great conversation or anything like that. I had friends for my mental stimulation. As I got older, and my loving wife decided to take one for the team, I did to start to look for a little more then where my next DNA deposit was going to end up. And I got lucky and found a woman that shares like 90% of the same interests I do. (Although that is not always a good thing when you are trying to get out of the house.) However, sex is still a driving force in my relationship with my wife. You may all go and scoop out the part of your brain with a melon baller that holds that mental image.

Yeah, I lived with you guys for awhile, remember?
All I can say is that your heating ducts had unfortunately good acoustics.
Everytime I heard stuff I left and went to Bigfoot.
Your sex life cost me a whole lot of money :)

I don't know about you girls, but the moment I meet I guy, I know if I would fuck him or not. So it is undeniably a just-sex impression. All the bonding stuff us fun, but without sex love is just friendship.

...and without love, sex is just fucking.

And fucking can be a great thing, for fucks sake, but it does not a Relationship make.

Yeah, there is that undeniable, raw, first reaction to a guy(or girl)-it's kind of like we've got an automatic sexometer that feeds us it's completely judgemental readings unapologetically, constantly and immediately:

'Hello, who're(Wooohooo...! delectablefoxyyum alert!-the fuckability needle is goin' wild!)you?

or:

'Hello, who're(...nuthin...nuthin...Yup, nuthin' here, folks, it's completely dead.)you?

And that may be all you need, if sex is what you're looking for. If you're looking for a good, stable, longterm kinda relationship, though, that initial yum reaction needs to be reinforced... This is where bonding, communication, honesty, compatibility and all that fun(and not so fun)stuff comes into play.

Please don't knock friendship, yo. 'Friend', while perhaps considered a second place denomination in dating terminology, is actually a high honor indeed, in my book.

Friendship, true, lasting friendship is a real treasure.

I guess I feel really strongly about that, 'cause it's what I really need most right now.

I'm pretty set up in the hardworkandfunbonding relationship category, and since he's a lustyhornygoatboy I'm not feeling much lack in the sex department...

But I'd love to have more close friends to bond with!

:-)

I've had multiple people tell me I act "more like a guy" in my relationships, because I'm not afraid to say that sex IS a huge deal in a relationship. I mean, if the personality, humor, interests, intellect, etc are all there but the compatibility factor just ain't working between the sheets, there's no amount of personality and comedy that can make up for that. But hey, I'm a big fan of the lovin'. But you need the whole package to have that fulfillment feeling glittering through you. I think it's horney BOYS(and girls) who are just in the sex-is-the-only-thing that matters..or it can be MEN who just want that, but there's probably something going on subconciously where they don't want to have that emotional attachment cause they've been trampled on in the past by getting attached and vulnerable. So making it a sex thing keeps them distant. I know when I'm in rebound mode, I unconciously seek out people who will be a good match sexually primarily cause i want to feel good but will not care so much about the rest of it. And then I wake up and say "what the fuck am I doing spending this time with someone who i have no long term interest in." I think there's nothing wrong with good fucking as long as both parties are honest with each other and themselves about what they really want. But there are many guys out there who will tell you they don't want anything more and you warn them not to get emotionally attached to you and then they DO. i've learned to be careful about it and trust my instincts about weather or not someone is going to throw their heart in to the mess, because we people convince ourselves of all sorts of things...

But hey, i'm happily ecstatic in both emotional and sexual ways with my boyfriend now, so i don't have to worry about that.

I have noticed that sometimes people will be afraid of the emotional bonding that's happening or not happening, and actually DISTANCE themselves from that by replacing that sort of intimacy with sex. But you'll wear your poor body and heart out that way, love.

I think men are complex creatures that want different things at different times. For instance, there can be a profound change in a mans values for sex vs other aspects of a relationship in the small period of time between "just before sex" and "just after sex".

Ben

Particularly if it's been a while.

:)

Nice to hear from ya, Ben.